I’d been wondering why the fuck Outlook was running after I closed it. I mean, I’m supposed to be the master of this bitchy machine (hint of an upcoming rant: hey, Microsoft, when I’m working on one App, don’t you fucking switch to another one just because it’s launching…it’s rude and actually is a security hazard).

Anyhow, I figured out who the guilty party was…no surprise here: Apple — the shimmering titanium messiah of the dreary tech age. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you. Everything reeks cult: meglomaniacal but charismatic leader, millions of enslaved masses brainwashed into thinking said meglomanic is the savior, pagan priests at temples spreading the word while supressing dissidents, and when you look behind the curtain, you see the great portrayal but mediocre execution of “the word” (their products).

Read the rant and feel free to run and hide…because Apple isn’t going anywhere anytime soon…