So, the long-awaited Apple Tablet announcement has come and gone. It’s got everyone talking and a subset of them are currently having multiple orgasms over the next “must-have’ tech from Apple.
Am I the only one who’s underwhelmed by this? It’s just an iPhone on steroids. Not even that…that might be more interesting. No, it’s an iPhone with a learning disability. It grew up to be linebacker huge but with no corresponding increase in features and the more “fun” stuff of a novel product. Okay, novel-ish since tablets/slates have been around for a while.
Where’s My Flash?!
The specs are here (or here for those who like it official) and aren’t bad or anything but there are some things missing:
- Flash support for the browser (I mean, c’mon)
- A web-cam capable camera for iChat (Macbooks have this)
- Support for a stylus (think pinpoint touch resolution)
- USB ports for peripherals
Note: I swear that article didn’t have its own “what’s missing” list when I started writing this.
In the end, this is just the marriage of the iPhone with an eBook reader. Or, just a glorified eBook reader…taking it away from the computer class and putting it in the gadget class.
Features, Features
It’s all about the features offered (and missing)…who cares that it’s a slate? Been done. Aluminum body some Mac heads will be making love to? You DO have an Air right?
No, outside of the larger multitouch screen (oops, been done), there wasn’t anything new hardware-wise here. It’s about how the damned thing will operate. But, with an iPhone OS…well, there ain’t as much to do in this particular neighborhood.
What you’re going to do with it:
- Watch movies and videos
- Read books, news, magazines
- Listen to music while doing #2
- Look at your photos…joy
- Fuck around with apps
- Play games (1 out of 6 ain’t bad)
What you’re NOT going to do with it:
- Replace your notebook in college or when you’re working on that MBA.
- Travel with it a lot (laptop vs eBook reader with apps…hmmm)
- Connect to the Internet (at least not if you do #2)
- Quickly share documents with someone standing next to you
- Use this to be productive
Yes, I mentioned the “P” word. My garage is littered with fancy devices that were cool when they came out but ended up in some box. Why? Because once everything wore off and you’re in that gadget afterglow, you realize you have no other use for it. Look at all those iPhone games you’ve loaded onto your phone. How many of them are you really playing actively today? Right.
Potential Productivity
My biggest disappointment is the lack of an app on launch that will do the whole notebook thing. I mean, Christ, it’s called iPAD for crying out loud. And, here’s the funny part: you don’t need to do anything with the hardware really. Check out engadget’s coverage of the iPad…namely the video near the bottom of the article. Now, advance to 0:50 in the video. Watch the part where they’re playing with the presenter’s tools for the presentation. Look at that fucking potential (the yellow lines).
Picture this:
You’re going to a meeting that someone already sent you a PowerPoint for (so organized…must not be a start-up). You’ve loaded that bitch (the PowerPoint, not the meeting organizer) up and are toting all you need: your hot new iPad.
As you follow along with the presenter, you’re drawing lines and funny faces and all sorts of other shit on the presentation itself! Just like you used to with the printed copy you printed/got. Now, you double tap a spot on the presentation and an annotator’s note box shows up and the virtual keyboard activates. BAM, you note how stupid the idea on the slide is and that you need to call Bob ASAP).
Meeting’s over, you head back to your desk and plug that iPad in (will the Thai version be called iPadThai? Yum…). Sync and BOOM all those annotations are on your PC/Mac along with the original (or a copy of) the presentation. Now, you’ve got everything in there and don’t have to manually copy anything in. If it was your sorry assed presentation, you could even update it with the changes you made! Fuck yeah!
Then you wake up and it’s all a dream because Apple things looks beat out features. Surprise, surprise.
Price = Innovation?
Some areas of the media ecosystem, perhaps lacking anything better to say, are talking about the price “revolution”. Is it a revolution? Sure if you consider paying more for an iPhone a revolution. Of course, Apple is going to try to avoid cannibalizing their Macbook sales. Wouldn’t you want to avoid having people buy an iTouch iPad when they can buy a Macbook for more. Oh wait, this is supposed to be the crowning achievement for Mr. Jobs.
How is this a revolution? It isn’t. It’s an annoyance. If I wanted an iPhone…wait, I HAVE an iPhone. It cost me $299. I’m good. If I wanted a tablet…oh, well, I’ve got a Macbook. Okay, sure, that cost me upwards of $1999. I guess nowadays, it’ll set me back $999 (at the low end).
Realistically, why not just add the needed features (see above) and price it near $999 or even AT $999 and make it an option. Do you like laptops, grab the Macbook. You want something interesting/cool that actually does what you need? Grab the iPad.
Sure, it might cannibalize some parts of your laptop sales…I mean, it’s natural. It’s a slate, dammit. But, if you can offer it for less than $999, wouldn’t the higher margins that $999 offers you can more than compensate! Besides, the slate isn’t for everyone.
Where’s the Apple Magic?
You want to know where the REAL revolution is? Check that one slide about the AT&T deal. Check out the different bullet points. No, not the one about the $29.99 unlimited data package. This one:
No contract – cancel anytime
Sweet fancy Moses! AT&T isn’t going to milk you with a two-year fucking contract and an early termination fee of $150 or more?!? Isn’t that their bread and butter? How the fuck?
I guess the potential of millions of unlimited data subscribers is enough? I mean, they might lose their iPhone exclusivity so why the fuck–what’s that? Oh, I guess they might not lose it now. Hmm.
Wait a sec…could it be AT&T and Apple managed to do a deal where exclusivity (read: bread and butter) continues but the price AT&T pays is no contracts and a low unlimited data price for 3G? Better yet, could it be that that extra $129 you pay for 3G versions of the iPad isn’t solely to cover the cost of a 3G transmitter/receiver? Could it include a small subsidy that gets passed on to AT&T?
Who knows but it’s the most interesting part of today’s announcement.
What now?
Well, despite all this crap, the question’s out there: will you (or I) get an iPad? I think the answer is: probably. After all, it’s not that expensive and it’s intriguing enough that it’ll be worth the pick up–in a few months.
The MacSlaves will buy it in two months and supply the rest of us with v2 of the iPad when Apple releases a new version six months later with something better.
For the saner of the crazies, we’ll likely pick it up as a birthday gift or other selfish excuse for a gift for ourselves and be done with it. We’ll read our books and flip through our photos and get frustrated at those games that rely on the accelerometer. And, hopefully, by then, someone will have finally invented the REAL iPad app and we can call it a day.
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