The big deal: Nearly every living system on this planet uses a molecule that includes phosphorus in order to keep things going. It’s an important part of the energy cycle that keeps you and I breathing and alive.

The not-so-big-deal: We already know (or should know) that you don’t have to mimic life on this planet exactly to do a lot of things life does already. For instance, you know the horseshoe crab? If you live on the East Coast, especially in the north east and have gone to the beach once or twice, you probably do. These suckers don’t use iron to hold oxygen (the reason your blood looks red), they use copper. They’re also a very ancient species around for a very long time.

What does that tell you? That life doesn’t look like you do when you look in the mirror. Duh. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

Now, you’re probably gonna say, but this bacteria is extraterrestrial. Uh, no, actually it’s from Mono Lake…you know…in California. Even better, if you read the WSJ article…near the end they mention they actually weaned the bacteria off phosphorous and can’t confirm there were no traces of phosphorus still in the test environment.

That’s sort of like saying I managed to wean my friend here off water though I can’t say if he was drinking out of the hose when my back was turned. Science at its best.

In the end, while it’s an interesting finding, it’s nothing ground breaking. You know what I want to know? I want to hear about some sort of beast roaming the surface of Titan imbibing vast quantities of liquid methane to live or see the Loch Ness monster surface from a plume hole on Enceladus. Or better yet, have an astronomer look down a telescope to find some alien guy sitting on Mars looking back (yeah, like the cartoons).

As much as I believe there is life “out there”, the more I’ve learned about how life started here, the more I realize how rare it is. Sorry but those types that think some big omnipotent grandfather accidentally bumped the coffee table and created this place in 7 days need to work on their perception of reality. Life on this planet took a lot of fighting and had a lot of near misses.

It’s pretty complex but you can boil it down to a simple fact…if we didn’t accidentally smack into a large body that would help form our moon, put it in orbit around us, and kick up our core temperature a notch or two, we wouldn’t be here.

We have that beautiful rock out there to thank for magnetic fields and plate tectonics. Magnetic fields protect us from ample doses of radiation and help keep our atmosphere with that wonderful atom called Oxygen (no not the network) in place. Don’t believe me, look at Mars. Barely anything left in its atmosphere. Plate tectonics saved us at least once if not more back when the planet almost froze completely over. If those plates didn’t move (and, thanks to the moon’s relatively speedy orbit, move fast enough), the ice would’ve just locked and that would’ve been the end of our little single-celled ancestors. But a little tension allowed volcanic vents to reemerge from the ice and keep this planet going.

Of course, I can’t prove all of this stuff…this is what scientists figured out based on a lot of clues–some very compelling. Then again, who knows if we got all traces of life out of the experiment?

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So, Activision, which has made at least $3 billion over the last 7 years on the Call of Duty franchise, has set up the Call of Duty Endowment which is supposed to dole out funds to organizations that help veterans and serving service men and women.

At first you might think that this is a really great thing for them to do.  I mean, if I was making enough money to roll around in it in a villa penthouse suite in Vegas, wouldn’t you? You’re making money off–effectively–the sacrifice those soldiers made in signing up and putting their lives on the line.

So, what do you think they set aside for those soldiers? I mean, $3 billion. For fuck’s sake, even if you just set aside 1% of that, it’s $30 million. Even if you don’t dole out the entire amount (after all, you need to have something to invest and build up to keep the fund going), you’re ideally making and going to continue making a shit-ton of money for a few more years on that franchise…unless of course the whole Infinity Ward thing is going to mean the end of the franchise (Treyarch who?).

What did they set aside? $1-fucking-million. What the deuce? Better yet, they announced a whopping $25 THOUSAND donation to Still Service Veterans. Now before you wonder about Activision’s patriotism, they HAVE put out a decent amount of funds (more than the measly $25k to SSV). But still, c’mon…you can’t just push more out?

What’s the deal? I’ll tell you what it is…the greedy bastards over there (Activision) are doing this shit to help cover their sins. They’ve been banking on the shit soldiers go through for the better part of a decade while also doing their best to milk their customers of their money ($60? For a PC game? Using the same engine you’re just upgrading on a platform WITHOUT a $10 license fee?). It’s only natural someone decided (after six years) to finally start paying the piper. So, they go and pay their indulgence at a serious discount.

Now all those execs can pat themselves on the backs and check to see if they still have time to hit the links.

My problem is the numbers just don’t add up. If you gave a shit about veterans in the first place, you would’ve set this endowment up with that paltry $1 million five years ago when the first Call of Duty turned out to be a hit.  Or at least a couple years ago when COD4 was yet another solid hit and actually was about modern warfare.

Otherwise, you’d have pushed more money into the pot. We’re in the middle of two conflicts that are hammering our soldiers and the military and government–as always–could give a shit about those soldiers once they return. No job placement programs. No serious counseling post-deployment. They only recently started doing more but they rely mostly on non-profit organizations to deal with the “leftovers”. It’s irresponsible and embarrassing, actually. I know soldiers are treated as government properties (see GI) but there’s a limit to that shit.

Here’s an opportunity for a company that’s rolling in dough to help out. What do they do? They drop a quarter in their cup after pulling out a roll of Benjamins just so they can dig into their pocket for the quarter.

Don’t forget…they’re the same Activision that owns World of Warcraft which makes upwards of a billion dollars a fucking YEAR. It’s not like they can’t afford it…

Activision, you can’t suck enough. Congrats.

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Honestly, since Netflix started doing it’s thing and flooding your mailbox and inbox with membership offers and the like, I knew Blockbuster’s days were numbered. And, when Netflix really took off (and we started using it), I looked at the closure of some of the Blockbuster (and other) video stores nearby as a sign Netflix was doing the damage it should be doing.

Now, I’m not going to be my usual angry self and paint Netflix as some aggressor that deboned Blockbuster with a flick of a tear-resistant envelope. That’s not what they did. They came in and disrupted the fuck out of the video rental business.

Late fees? Booted. Per video rental fees? Left in a ditch.

Sure it sounds like they basically commoditized the video rental business…but realistically, they didn’t. They took a model based on punishing the consumer for behaving like themselves (i.e. wanting to watch stuff when they wanted to but realizing life doesn’t always let you watch it on a specific schedule) and spit on it. Instead, you paid a membership fee and were just limited by the number of movies you could have out at a given time–which is the perfect model since it limits without punishing you. You can’t watch more than X movies at a time after all. The great thing? They started with the per video fee–likely following the industry–before ditching it for a monthly fee.

The real deal, though, wasn’t just that. It was what lay at the heart of Netflix. They evolved. They did what startups do. They saw how things were going and shifted as needed. Blockbuster? They rolled out their online business only after Netflix proved the model. In other words, they–a huge company with way more resources than Netflix–took the low road and played it safe. Why? Likely because they follow the usual public company route and worry more about those quarterly and annual reports rather than what’s coming down the pike.

This bankruptcy filing is intended to reduce $1 billion in debt to $100 million. Though it seems they lost (on the books at least) a hell of a lot more money during the last decade. But what’s the point? How are they going to do anything going forward when they do things like require you to use IE to watch on-demand movies in your browser? Meanwhile, I’m watching a movie right now in Chrome. I watched one the other day in FireFox.  And, last I checked, there is no Blockbuster presence on Xbox or PlayStation (or the iPhone like Netflix did which by the way is fucking awesome). They are on some TVs, Blu-Ray players and certain mobile phones from Verizon and T-mobile.

I guess the push to put themselves out on some platforms (but not the ones that you hear about all the time–I only know about the Archos because I reviewed that piece of shit) kept them from filing earlier in the decade. Going forward, will they finally wake up or is the organization just too big to do anything? Like an out of control supertanker plowing through a marina, they’re just this behemoth that’s likely filled with politics and management retreats.

Here’s to hoping they’ll either figure it out (do I care? Not anymore) or just crash and burn so the real innovators can come along and keep things going.

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So, Eva Longoria‘s spearheading a fundraising effort for a decent cause. It’s filed under TwitChange and is somewhere between creepy and cool.

I mean, the idea of using Twitter (or SMS in general) for fundraising isn’t old (considering how new Twitter is, that statement’s odd enough in itself). Then again it’s become an accepted medium pretty quickly (Twitter that is). Sure it’s been around for a while (Twitter) but it’s only recently become a platform of notice for celebrities to close that gap between them and their fans (without giving out their home address).

So, the idea of using Twitter and its solar system of celebrities and their orbiting fans as a way to get the word out real quick and to get money to a specific cause even faster seems like a great one. We saw what the Red Cross and others did for Haiti during the initial disaster.

That’s not my problem. My problem is their METHOD of raising those funds. Sure, you can go direct to the charity and just donate. Not a bad idea if you can’t afford to BUY your favorite actor/celeb. Yup, you read that right. Buy.

Essentially, the celebrities involved in this thing are selling you, their fans, the chance to get mentioned, retweeted or followed (for a minimum of 90 days unless things get out of hand). There are event “mega” packages with all of those included. In some cases you’ll get a phone call and others are likely going to offer different things as time goes on.

It’ll be interesting to see how it all plays out. Some of the bids are already in the THOUSANDS of dollars. How will people react to this stuff? I mean, sure, I guess if you’re a rabid fan, you’re going to go nuts over the idea of their favorite celebrity effectively tipping their hat to them.

Of course, on the flip side, some of the more enterprising peeps would likely buy up these packages as they hit the higher values that most “regular” people just can’t afford. For instance, if you want to promote your pizza place, buy up. What’s a few thousand dollars when you’re getting exposed to half a million followers across the country, even the world?

I’m expecting some marketing guy (or maybe an MBA looking for a thesis project) to go in there and run some numbers to find out just how cheap it is to do that.

But, the real kink is when you get some weirdo. I mean, I’m sure these guys have dealt with weirdos…stalkers…etc. One of the prices of fame is that you tend to attract oddballs like moths to light. Check out the disclaimer:

Misuse of talent connection on Twitter may result in revocation of the Follow at the Talent’s discretion. Respect for the Talent is expected at all times. The Talent has the right to refuse fulfillment of the package based on already established relationships, sponsorships or personal preference. If the package is not fulfilled, the winning bid amount will be refunded.

Of course, with Twitter these people are just a Block (click) away. I guess the smarter celeb will make sure those phone calls they’re offering are NOT coming from their cellphones.

Why the creep? Well, it’s so fucking mercenary. At its worst, it’s like pimping out your celebrity, even if it is for a good cause. Then again, it’s their fame and their time. If they feel its worthwhile, who am I to give them shit?

It’s more about the bar it sets. Sure, the charity part is great and who knows? Maybe it’ll become a regular thing for different causes and the like. The real question is what happens when it becomes something else? Corporate sponsorship? The aforementioned marketing channel? Yes, yes…the “good cause” thing comes up again.

That’s just it though…this is an auction, not a vetted process. Jessica Alba’s not sitting there with a list of twenty people/companies and their offers describing in ridiculous detail what/where/how/why they’re using her celebrity. Instead, the highest bidder gets to do whatever…Mentions and following are relatively harmless. But Retweets? Even mentions and follows…what if I’m TwoGirlsAndACup?

Honestly? I think it would’ve been a better idea to make it more of a fund drive. You could drop in a dollar or ten and either get a mention or better yet, just help a specific celeb get on the top 10 list of follower-driven donations. Maybe the “winning” celeb does something special for his/her fans. Or they just dole out retweets and mentions based on donations and what people say? Say it’s a donation + a tweet mentioning that celeb wherein the celeb can decide if they want to retweet the fan’s tweet or go further…follow, mention, whatever they want.

I just think there are better ways of doing this sort of thing without making it seem like you–the celeb–is up for sale. It’s like those dumb auctions where someone auctions their time–a dinner, whatever–to the highest bidder. I’ve actually never seen one in real life (thankfully) but you see it here and there as the butt of a joke in a movie and it always ends up bad (unless it’s just part of the plot to make it good).

In the end, I can’t go ballistic on it completely because it’s–all together now–for a good cause. Fine, I’ll snooze this rant but wake me when it turns weird or someone sells out…because then I’ll be able to say I told you so.

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I’d looked through a number of solutions that offered RAIDed drives that were hotswappable. The HP was reasonably priced and had plenty of room (four slots). I went for the 485 with a 750GB hard disk included and bought a couple of Western Digital Green drives, 1TB each.

Plugged that sucker in and got her running in no time.

I’d noticed it supported iTunes serving so I decided to copy my music up to the server’s public Music folder and enable the service.

Nothing.

“And ENABLE THE SERVICE.”

Still nothing.

Basically, I’d switch it over to Enabled, click Apply then OK. Gears whirred a second or two then when I clicked back into the settings tab for iTunes it was disabled.

Fun stuff. I tried a few things but then got bored and gave up. Not that important anyway.

Skip to months later (i.e. a few days ago). I decide I’m committed and I’m gonna get that shit working. Console -> Settings -> Server for iTunes -> Enabled -> Apply…and nothing. FFS.

I search around the net and find some people with the same problem. At one point, someone mentions Bonjour–Apple’s wonderful “net presence” service. I figure. That makes sense. So, I RDP into the box (yes, you can do that…it’s basically a Windows Server) and pulled up the Services control panel.

Lo and behold. Bonjour -> Disabled. That’s just beautiful. So, I figure, let’s get this thing started. It starts. I switch back to that lovely (and slow) Windows Home Server Console. Enable that bitch…and…

It works! Enabled actually sticks! Woohoo! Pull up iTunes. Bingo-bango-bongo there’s my little “media” server glowing in Apple silver/gray. Click on it and…

Fuck. No tracks. A little head banging and another day later I search around:

Me: mediasmart server itunes songs not showing up

Google: Itunes 10 Not Showing Server Songs: MediaSmart Home

Turns out iTunes 10–which I dutifully allowed Apple to update me to just a few days earlier–doesn’t like the service that actually hosts the iTunes server.

The solution? Downgrade back to iTunes 9. Really? Uh, no. I refuse. I really don’t want to spend my time backing up shit and uninstalling and reinstalling shit…especially since–to do it clean–I’d have to reboot two or more times.

Just because Apple can’t get along with its in-laws (third-party software developers), I shouldn’t have to waste even more of my time.

While it’s only been a few days and the potential for a fix on the horizon still exists, it’s just so typical, especially of Apple. Now, I can’t just bash Apple on this front…compatibility issues are the norm when it comes to technology. But, Apple tends to create this culture of “me”. It definitely starts with Steve Jobs but it carries all the way down to the Macheads that haven’t grown out of the 1990s (disclaimer: I was a Machead in the 1990s).

Your job as a keeper of the platform is to ensure you either a) don’t break anything (duh) or b) do the best you can to make sure your cadre of developers (read: supporters) are as informed as they can be.

I know it’s hard to deal with compatibility…trust me, I know…I’m a Web developer…but you have to do it. It’s not some sort of altruistic sentiment that nags you from the depths of your gut. It’s the reality of the tech industry.

Of course, Apple’s history so far does nothing to stop the sentiment from being nothing more than that. Correction–Steve Jobs’ history.

I could go on forever but I won’t…there are plenty of posts waiting for that. In the meantime, either downgrade your iTunes or quietly point the finger at Apple–no, the middle one–until Mr. Jobs deigns to allow his engineers to issue a point release to fix the problem.

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I don’t know if you have one of these sorts of movie theaters in your area but here in Los Angeles, there are a handful of theaters and theater chains (if you can call them that) which are trying to differentiate themselves with a few nice features:

1) Assigned seating (no more struggling to find a place for you and yours)

2) Stadium seating (no more fuzzy borders for your movie)

3) Bars and 21+ screenings (so you can enjoy that crappy movie your girlfriend wants to see because you’ll be drunk)

4) No late seating (so that jack-off who weighs 400lbs doesn’t drop popcorn all over you while smashing your feet as he tries to get to his seat).

That last one is the the reason we’re here today, class.  Is it a good policy? Damned right it is. I’ve been in enough theaters where you’ve got to watch silhouettes of morons trying to find their seats 15 minutes into the movie.

Here’s the thing though: late seating isn’t a crime. It’s not nice and it can be annoying but it doesn’t always have to be. Here was my situation today:

1) Delayed by a last minute work thing.

2) Traffic for no apparent reason at 10:40 am. It’s usually find by now, especially on a Friday.

3) Finding a parking space.

4) Dealing with a disorganized and slow concessions stand–you’ve got to love it when they have 3-4 people behind the stand and just two customers, one of which is me, and it still take 5-10 minutes to get to me and get my order filled.

All told, I was 30 minutes late. Sure that sucked and was well beyond any time I’ve been late to a movie. But check it out:

1) It was a 10:45am showing on a weekday.

2) I’ve been to plenty of screenings on weekdays, though at more reasonable times (like 12 or 1pm). Even popular movies have no more than 20-30 people).

3) The theater seats upwards of 400 people and has stadium seating.

4) I was in an aisle seat…I’m ALWAYS in an aisle seat.

5) The theater has a back door.

6) I’m a paying customer at 10-fucking-45 AM. I’m like solid gold. You’re showing the movie whether the theater’s full or not.

This is the point where you as a supervising member of staff at the theater have to decide something. Is it better to have an irate/pissed off/disappointed customer under these circumstances or do you make an exception, collect your $34 dollars (with concessions after all), and find some way to accommodate a regular customer?

The Letter of the Law

Let’s put it another way. When it comes to laws (as in those that say you can’t kill someone or something like that), there’s this idea of the “spirit of the law“. It basically means adhering or enforcing a law based on what it was intended to do, rather than just following it to the letter. Hell, California’s even got one of these “fuzzy” laws to govern driving rules.

For instance, if you have a law that says something like “You can’t kill someone.” You look at that and understand what it means…you aren’t allowed to just kill someone. Nice, great law. Wait, what happens when that someone is a murderer who’s trying to kill you? The letter of the law says you can’t kill someone so guess what happens when you snuff out that murdered in self-defense? You’re getting a priest and a needle.

But, the spirit of the law would interpret it more like, “You can’t kill someone, unless they’re trying to kill you.” And, I think most people would agree, that is what you’d want to enforce.

I know, I know, extreme example. But it’s a simple one too. Just like customer service. I’m sure you’ve been the victim of some stupid (or maybe even good…most of the time) customer service policy at some company. Why? Because not every customer service department head or policy maker is a genius at customer service…and not all of them are guided by ensuring the customer’s well-being is top priority–they’ve got to make money too.

Customer Service

Still, you’ve seen both sides of the story I’m sure. For instance, if you’ve ever made a purchase from Zappos you’ve probably experienced some great customer service. Whether it’s them randomly upgrading a shipment to overnight free of charge or just dealing with their hassle-free (and, well, free) returns policy, they do a great job of customer service because they think about the customer first. They aren’t giving away the farm but their policies are designed to keep the customer happy since happy customers mean return customers and more revenue.

Meanwhile, you’ve got other companies that will charge you restocking fees, return shipment costs, and make life as hard as possible for you to return items and otherwise deal with the “abnormal” aspects of commerce.  In fact, a lot of companies seem to hide behind their policies, whether it’s a returns policy or some other policy that is meant to protect the company in some way.

What’s the point?

Which brings us back to this issue. The theater in question? Arclight Theaters. Will I go back? Probably but they’ve definitely lost points here. I mean c’mon. It’s like some fucking idiot standing in front of a stand of chairs surrounded by rope with a sign saying, “No late seating.”

You walk up, there’s not one seat with anyone in it. You ask the idiot: “Can I get a seat?”

Idiot: “Sorry, sir, the event started 30 minutes ago.”

You: “But, no one’s sitting in there.”

Idiot: “Sure, but you’re 30 minutes late. We don’t seat anyone after the event starts.”

You: “But, it’s not like I’m disturbing anyone…no one’s sitting there!”

Idiot: “Our policy states we don’t seat anyone after the event starts.”

You: “WTF?”

Idiot: “Sorry, sir, those are the rules.”

You: “How about if I give you some money…after all, who’s going to pay for the event?”

Idiot: “No thanks, if you’d like us to give you some money, please step over to the customer service booth.”

You: “Wait, you want to give me money that I’m happy to give you?”

Idiot: “Yes, we don’t need it. Our first priority is customer service.”

You: “I’m a customer.”

Idiot: “And we’d be happy to provide you with service at the booth.”

You: “You love your job, don’t you.”

Idiot: “Sorry, sir, I don’t have a stored response for that statement. Please go to the customer service booth.”

You could almost make a movie out of that…but then, who’d want to be on time for that piece of crap?

Moral of the story: Figure out what you’re here to do. If you really want to take care of your customers, stop gripping your policies like a security blanket and start paying attention to what you’re saying to your customers when they’re most unhappy…you might actually learn something.

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The irony of course is this is coming from the company that CREATED the PC platform (well, the OS at least) and squeezed out the absolutely putrid Games for Windows initiative…you know for the first time in I don’t know how many GFW games I’ve bought the Update function ACTUALLY worked in BioShock 2.

Maybe instead of making a stupid announcement like this they should’ve just said they’re delaying the PC version “until it’s ready” or something lame but less lame than “PC gaming is useless to us”.

Granted, Alan Wake might be a completely stupid game, though Remedy did make Max Payne (and MP2), bringing one of the first if not THE first game to make Bullet Time a key gameplay function. This game’s supposed to be innovative in the use of light and dark…an interesting idea if pulled off right.

But, back to the gripe. I know right now is essentially the polar opposite of the game industry ten years ago when console gamers were griping about not getting a lot of good games that just released for PC only. So, you might expect this sort of uprising…especially after the whole COD MW2 debacle. Plus, more and more games that do make it to PC tend to be hampered with controls that were obviously geared towards a gamepad.

What does this mean? Nothing. It just means PC gaming is slowly being relegated to the state that Mac gaming was in just a few years ago. The better selling games will make it over with sales figures filtering out the crap that doesn’t sell on the console side.

The real downside? Independent game developers who don’t have the benefit of millions of development and marketing dollars might never get to expose their product across platforms if the console gaming crowd (which includes a younger demographic more interested in fast-action games than the type of games coming out of indie establishments).

Honestly, though, Microsoft’s PR department needs a reboot (which just happens to be the best advice for anyone running their OS and having issues). Who cares if you don’t want to worry about or waste time on a PC version of Alan Wake…a game that might make a dent but won’t likely achieve COD/Sims-like numbers when it’s released. Why would you stir up the bee hive with dumb comments like that (especially with Remedy personnel making it look like they don’t have a choice in the matter and are on the PC gamers’ side) when you could just let it lie? Just say nothing: “Alan Wake is hitting shelves this Spring for XBox 360!” If someone asks, just tell them, the standard gaming PR line: “We have not set a release date for the PC version as yet. Stay tuned.”

It’s always funny how Microsoft seems to step on toes all over the fucking place. If it isn’t tossing out substandard OSes (no, I haven’t tried Windows 7 yet…any reason for me to? Right…), mediocre IDEs (though I can’t say any of the open source IDEs out there have impressed me…they try too hard to be everything for everyone), and craptastic Games For Windows support. The whole initiative seems more like Guantanamo than Eden. The funny thing? I think despite the drawbacks of Steam, they’re doing a better job of promoting PC gaming and bringing together a community.

Speaking of Steam, if you get VAC banned, you can’t use any of your games on VAC servers…it’s not just one game…ALL of your games…not that I cheat but all it takes is one Blizzard-like banning event to fubar your game collection. Sort of bullshit if you ask me…

Is there a solution to all this (the PC gaming thing)? Of course, but the game publishers out there don’t really care. They don’t spend time finding a solid anti-piracy solution (including a simple phone home feature similar to online activation with a built-in expiration date so it’s not required after a year or something) and have their developers hack out a simple solution that fails or use something draconian like SecuROM which ends up fucking people’s computers up.

Whatever…here’s to hoping game publishers learn where their money originally came from (and there are still a lot more PCs out there than consoles…just fewer kiddies behind them). And as each subsequent generation starts earlier and earlier with electronics and computers, more of them will be in front of computing devices other than consoles more often (sorry, my console doesn’t go with me when I travel or when I’m at lunch at work). Talk about money on the table…

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At first I figured it was just VS being…well…a Microsoft product, combined with the HD issue. Then I decided to see if anyone else had issues and found this. Awesome. I can’t say I had the problem they had (definitely not 15 minutes) but (so far) it seems like it works.

In case the link goes dead, all they did was go to Tools > Import and Export Settings and select the Reset option. It won’t affect add-ons, just the core MS stuff. You will have to go in and change some of your settings back but definitely do NOT try to re-import your saved settings.

I guess the settings get bogged down or some setting gets set without your permission? I’m guessing here…after all, Microsoft products will let software installs to update your registry and other settings on your machine but if you try to do something, it’s all User Account Control, bitch!!

Whatever…suffice it to say, software and OSes developers need a swift kick once in a while to wake them up to their laziness and fragmentation (of teams). Or maybe I need to upgrade to VS 2008 before 2010 comes out…I can’t help it that Microsoft has trained me to stick with what works rather than upgrade to the latest and greatest. Every buggy, overpriced, and fundamentally different (in a bad way) new piece of software just turns me off the “arms race” of keeping up with the latest software.

I get that they need to make money and update the technology but really? I was just thinking about how much I hate the fact that we have to still support IE 7 (and are only just kicking IE6 out like a 20-something kid that needs to get a job). If it wasn’t for the whole software lifecycle process that Microsoft has (anyone notice how FireFox 2 just got it’s ass kicked and that was it?!?), we could be just worrying about IE8 which actually works almost like FF so there’s less of this BS I need to do to support both of them. One stylesheet for both browsers!

Anyhow, enjoy the tip above if it helps you…unless of course you’ve upgraded already and are enjoying the benefits (or trials?) of using VS 2008 or the 2010 rc.

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Am I the only one who’s underwhelmed by this? It’s just an iPhone on steroids. Not even that…that might be more interesting. No, it’s an iPhone with a learning disability. It grew up to be linebacker huge but with no corresponding increase in features and the more “fun” stuff of a novel product. Okay, novel-ish since tablets/slates have been around for a while.

Where’s My Flash?!

The specs are here (or here for those who like it official) and aren’t bad or anything but there are some things missing:

1. Flash support for the browser (I mean, c’mon)
2. A web-cam capable camera for iChat (Macbooks have this)
3. Support for a stylus (think pinpoint touch resolution)
4. USB ports for peripherals

Note: I swear that article didn’t have its own “what’s missing” list when I started writing this.

In the end, this is just the marriage of the iPhone with an eBook reader. Or, just a glorified eBook reader…taking it away from the computer class and putting it in the gadget class.

Features, Features

It’s all about the features offered (and missing)…who cares that it’s a slate? Been done. Aluminum body some Mac heads will be making love to? You DO have an Air right?

No, outside of the larger multitouch screen (oops, been done), there wasn’t anything new hardware-wise here. It’s about how the damned thing will operate. But, with an iPhone OS…well, there ain’t as much to do in this particular neighborhood.

What you’re going to do with it:

1. Watch movies and videos
2. Read books, news, magazines
3. Listen to music while doing #2
4. Look at your photos…joy
5. Fuck around with apps
6. Play games (1 out of 6 ain’t bad)

What you’re NOT going to do with it:

1. Replace your notebook in college or when you’re working on that MBA.
2. Travel with it a lot (laptop vs eBook reader with apps…hmmm)
3. Connect to the Internet (at least not if you do #2)
4. Quickly share documents with someone standing next to you
5. Use this to be productive

Yes, I mentioned the “P” word. My garage is littered with fancy devices that were cool when they came out but ended up in some box. Why? Because once everything wore off and you’re in that gadget afterglow, you realize you have no other use for it. Look at all those iPhone games you’ve loaded onto your phone. How many of them are you really playing actively today? Right.

Potential Productivity

My biggest disappointment is the lack of an app on launch that will do the whole notebook thing. I mean, Christ, it’s called iPAD for crying out loud. And, here’s the funny part: you don’t need to do anything with the hardware really. Check out engadget’s coverage of the iPad…namely the video near the bottom of the article. Now, advance to 0:50 in the video. Watch the part where they’re playing with the presenter’s tools for the presentation. Look at that fucking potential (the yellow lines).

Picture this:

You’re going to a meeting that someone already sent you a PowerPoint for (so organized…must not be a start-up). You’ve loaded that bitch (the PowerPoint, not the meeting organizer) up and are toting all you need: your hot new iPad.

As you follow along with the presenter, you’re drawing lines and funny faces and all sorts of other shit on the presentation itself! Just like you used to with the printed copy you printed/got. Now, you double tap a spot on the presentation and an annotator’s note box shows up and the virtual keyboard activates. BAM, you note how stupid the idea on the slide is and that you need to call Bob ASAP).

Meeting’s over, you head back to your desk and plug that iPad in (will the Thai version be called iPadThai? Yum…). Sync and BOOM all those annotations are on your PC/Mac along with the original (or a copy of) the presentation. Now, you’ve got everything in there and don’t have to manually copy anything in. If it was your sorry assed presentation, you could even update it with the changes you made! Fuck yeah!

Then you wake up and it’s all a dream because Apple things looks beat out features. Surprise, surprise.

Price = Innovation?

Some areas of the media ecosystem, perhaps lacking anything better to say, are talking about the price “revolution”.  Is it a revolution? Sure if you consider paying more for an iPhone a revolution. Of course, Apple is going to try to avoid cannibalizing their Macbook sales. Wouldn’t you want to avoid having people buy an iTouch iPad when they can buy a Macbook for more. Oh wait, this is supposed to be the crowning achievement for Mr. Jobs.

How is this a revolution? It isn’t. It’s an annoyance. If I wanted an iPhone…wait, I HAVE an iPhone. It cost me $299. I’m good. If I wanted a tablet…oh, well, I’ve got a Macbook. Okay, sure, that cost me upwards of $1999. I guess nowadays, it’ll set me back $999 (at the low end).

Realistically, why not just add the needed features  (see above) and price it near $999 or even AT $999 and make it an option. Do you like laptops, grab the Macbook. You want something interesting/cool that actually does what you need? Grab the iPad.

Sure, it might cannibalize some parts of your laptop sales…I mean, it’s natural. It’s a slate, dammit. But, if you can offer it for less than $999, wouldn’t the higher margins that $999 offers you can more than compensate! Besides, the slate isn’t for everyone.

Where’s the Apple Magic?

You want to know where the REAL revolution is? Check that one slide about the AT&T deal. Check out the different bullet points. No, not the one about the $29.99 unlimited data package. This one:

No contract – cancel anytime

Sweet fancy Moses! AT&T isn’t going to milk you with a two-year fucking contract and an early termination fee of $150 or more?!? Isn’t that their bread and butter? How the fuck?

I guess the potential of millions of unlimited data subscribers is enough? I mean, they might lose their iPhone exclusivity so why the fuck–what’s that? Oh, I guess they might not lose it now. Hmm.

Wait a sec…could it be AT&T and Apple managed to do a deal where exclusivity (read: bread and butter) continues but the price AT&T pays is no contracts and a low unlimited data price for 3G? Better yet, could it be that that extra $129 you pay for 3G versions of the iPad isn’t solely to cover the cost of a 3G transmitter/receiver? Could it include a small subsidy that gets passed on to AT&T?

Who knows but it’s the most interesting part of today’s announcement.

What now?

Well, despite all this crap, the question’s out there: will you (or I) get an iPad? I think the answer is: probably. After all, it’s not that expensive and it’s intriguing enough that it’ll be worth the pick up–in a few months.

The MacSlaves will buy it in two months and supply the rest of us with v2 of the iPad when Apple releases a new version six months later with something better.

For the saner of the crazies, we’ll likely pick it up as a birthday gift or other selfish excuse for a gift for ourselves and be done with it. We’ll read our books and flip through our photos and get frustrated at those games that rely on the accelerometer. And, hopefully, by then, someone will have finally invented the REAL iPad app and we can call it a day.

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I understand that large companies usually end up with piss poor customer service (I even get pissed at Amazon’s customer service once in a while) but don’t give me this bullshit of pairing a weak router with a high bandwidth Internet connection. After all, why would someone who’s just cruising the Web and checking their e-mail need 25Mbps of download bandwidth?! You’re going to use that for downloads (those bittorrent types) and gamers (like me) who want big assed pipes to get them whatever advantage they can get ping-wise. Besides, with online games (MMOs) and Steam/digital downloads, the more bandwidth the better.

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