But, the thing is…at least with 6 month waits between movies, you can still bank on the fact that you (ideally) don’t know what’s going to happen next. But, the November 9 are posted on the WSOP site’s front page…and Full Tilt Poker’s got ads in the middle of the main event playback talking about Phil Ivey’s November 9 spot. Granted, I actually DID check the WSOP site to see who’s at the final table but it’s like reading the last page of a book (or the second to last page in this case).

Meanwhile, I’m still watching the action from day five two months after the main event actually happened. Sure, I like that I get to watch poker for longer than a few days a year. But, it’s a bit weaker than how it used to be because I know so-and-so will likely lose that all-in they’re facing right now because they’re not on the November 9 list. What? Phil Ivey’s seeing his stack dwindle…no problem, he’s already at the final table. No suspense there.

There’s got to be a better way. It’s also a bit cheap. Why not just cover more of the WSOP events (there are plenty of WSOP and other poker events all year long)? It’s one thing to be milked by a commercial enterprise…it’s another to be OBVIOUSLY milked…in plain sight. I don’t care about your stupid sponsors. Deliver the goods or find another job.

out

I’ve been having issues all weekend long. One minute I can login and it works then I go and start up again and try again and FAIL.

What the fuck is wrong with your sorry assed organization? I remember working on getting an SMS short code approved through you bitches. Yours is the ONLY organization that requires a wait time of 1-2 months just to START reviewing the code and 3-6 months to actually approve it. Everyone else in the fucking world? Days…you read that? DAYS. Why? I don’t know. Someone said it’s because you’re a German company and so it must be some sort of rigid but highly accurate process like building BMWs. I think it’s more like some remnant of your “darkest” days when you felt your opinion was superior to others even if you were no better than a load of shit.

Speaking of shit, how’s about you take your shit and fuck yourself…when you’re done, then take a look at AT&T and Verizon…at least they can provide service better than yours…wait…I actually think ANYONE can provide service better than yours.

Uncensored is on Hulu.com for those with Hulu accounts (dumb) or on NBC.com for those that don’t (still gotta watch an old-school ad).

Timberlake’s got talent:

UPDATE: What the fuck? The video’s been take down everywhere. What? They offend the League of FaceFuckups?

I guess when your business is about selling C level TV series about the dumbest things and broadcast absolute shit sequels, concocting stupid names for your company is okay. Anyone catch a bit of Starship Troopers 2 on there? I lasted about five minutes and only because I caught the sex scene…they even used actors that played DEAD characters from the previous movie in as DIFFERENT characters: “Okay, just pretend I wasn’t gored in the last movie and that I’ve got a different name.”

Anyway, maybe they pissed their pants with the success of Battlestar Galactica (a good series ending itself poorly)…or maybe they just think that a small focus group that is getting paid to be there isn’t biased at all. Sure, Whosiwhatsit and Boing might not have been good name ideas but SyFy? Why not call it CyFy? I mean, if you’re worrying about global reach, you know the rest of the world pronounces “Y” as “ee” right? So you’re name is now SeeFee. Brilliant.

What? You’re trying to broaden your reach? Trying to cover all of imagination, not just the sciency part? And you think something that evokes your SciFi name will do that? Why don’t you just call yourself YCSE like the old days of TV and get it over with?

I was already embarrassed for you for the type of craptastic, obviously shot on a set, C-rate “Originals” you put out…now I won’t want to tell people what channel I saw them on…Smumblemumble…What channel was that? (cough) Sorry? No idea…

SciFi or Skiffy as a relative put it onces, welcome to the ranks of those who cannot suck enough!

Suck me

The

What’s the deal? The deal is, wait for it…Movable Type, our old blog software, was crap. It’s real simple…I want to rant, not spend hours manipulating fucking images because you rely on a DLL to do your image work…hello? It’s fucking 2009, bitches. Haven’t you heard of Web 2.0?

Better yet, most of the people writing plug-ins? Greedy bastards. Hey, you know, people deserve to get paid for something good but how am I supposed to know without TRYING it first? I’m not paying you for some half-assed solution, no matter how fancy you try to make your money-suck site.

Is this software any better? Of course. Does it have its faults? Was it made by humans? At least Microsoft didn’t make it…otherwise, it’d take an hour to launch, not be compatible with any plugins unless they’re from Microsoft, and require you to install a new app just to verify the app itself is legitimate.

Besides, this is more fun, right? RIGHT? Suckers…

I’ll let that one slide. So, I send an e-mail into customer service asking my simple question. I just want to be sure I’ve got the equipment (hey, now) to receive Russian programming…what do I get? A reference back to the fucking Web site I went to to find out it doesn’t tell me what I needed to know.

I respond back (granted, I’m annoyed so the response isn’t 100% friendly)…and I wait…nothing. I send an even more sarcastic “Hello?” a day later…nothing.

Then, lo and behold, almost two weeks later, I get deletion notifications (I always have read receipt requests turned on)…so, they feel customer service is so important that they just delete anything from customers. I love it.

It makes their TV commercials even more laughable…

This comes after I called in a request to get a replacement for my DirecTivo which was on the fritz. The customer service people I talked to (I talked to three different people) all made it clear I was getting a replacement DirecTivo…they said it was refurbished, which made it understandable given they didn’t use DirecTivos anymore. Right? They might have a bunch of refurbished ones lying around to replace the ones that broke/failed…all in the name of good customer service. What do I get? Their stupid DirectDVR Plus. Sure it has most of the features but it’s still clunkier than the Tivo I was used to. Besides, that isn’t the point, no one told me I was getting one of their pieces of shit DVRs…It’s like when you get a “reasonable replacement” for something…except they don’t tell you until you get it. Fuckers. It’s not like I’ve got a 20-year-old Tivo that doesn’t exist any more.

Whatever…suffice it to say that DirecTV is being hypocritical about their customer service. Ranking higher than cable companies that suck even more doesn’t mean you’re good…it just means you’re the lesser of two evils.

DirecTV deserves a You Can’t Suck Enough nod.

END ————————————————————

I was planning on doing this whole crazy site and decided I didn’t have the time but I had plenty of suckers to dole out so…presto, chango, welcome to the modern web and BAM! Here is You Can’t Suck Enough 1.0! In blog-o-suckin’-matic 3…no…2…no…1D!

What’s the point of this site, you ask? Can’t you read? No, obviously not because YOU can’t suck enough…that’s right…this is the place to be when telling all those morons who don’t do what they’re supposed to do right why they, you guessed it, can’t suck enough.

Look for new categories and new piles of suckage vying for that most coveted of awards: the Fubar Award(tm)! This award will go out to the best of the best…of the worst offenders. This is for those individuals, companies, and other entities that manage to exceed the limits of the Maximum Suckage Award(tm)…stay tuned for more info and how you can contribute to the suckage.

Suckage (Chief Suckage Officer)