Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

WSOP: New format needs some work

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009

I understand why ESPN/WSOP is doing the whole stretching out of the main event so that the final table comes a few months after the elimination happens. But, seriously, what’s the point? You’re trying to drag an event that takes days into a months long one. In case you hadn’t heard, plenty of people have tried to stretch things out (see Harry Potter or the Matrix) but it doesn’t work. You just annoy people and increase the chances that people won’t be as fucking interested in the end.

But, the thing is…at least with 6 month waits between movies, you can still bank on the fact that you (ideally) don’t know what’s going to happen next. But, the November 9 are posted on the WSOP site’s front page…and Full Tilt Poker’s got ads in the middle of the main event playback talking about Phil Ivey’s November 9 spot. Granted, I actually DID check the WSOP site to see who’s at the final table but it’s like reading the last page of a book (or the second to last page in this case).

Meanwhile, I’m still watching the action from day five two months after the main event actually happened. Sure, I like that I get to watch poker for longer than a few days a year. But, it’s a bit weaker than how it used to be because I know so-and-so will likely lose that all-in they’re facing right now because they’re not on the November 9 list. What? Phil Ivey’s seeing his stack dwindle…no problem, he’s already at the final table. No suspense there.

There’s got to be a better way. It’s also a bit cheap. Why not just cover more of the WSOP events (there are plenty of WSOP and other poker events all year long)? It’s one thing to be milked by a commercial enterprise…it’s another to be OBVIOUSLY milked…in plain sight. I don’t care about your stupid sponsors. Deliver the goods or find another job.

out

T-Mobile should consider another business

Sunday, September 6th, 2009

If it isn’t taking down their network when merging with another company (Suncom) or ensuring calls are continuously dropped in urban, congested and thoroughly UNRURAL and NONOBSTRUCTED areas, they’re fucking up in-room wifi. Hey, Hyatt, if you don’t want to suck, maybe you should find someone else who knows how to make Web-based login authentication work. I EVEN changed my fucking password using THEIR forgot password process and I STILL can’t fucking login.

I’ve been having issues all weekend long. One minute I can login and it works then I go and start up again and try again and FAIL.

What the fuck is wrong with your sorry assed organization? I remember working on getting an SMS short code approved through you bitches. Yours is the ONLY organization that requires a wait time of 1-2 months just to START reviewing the code and 3-6 months to actually approve it. Everyone else in the fucking world? Days…you read that? DAYS. Why? I don’t know. Someone said it’s because you’re a German company and so it must be some sort of rigid but highly accurate process like building BMWs. I think it’s more like some remnant of your “darkest” days when you felt your opinion was superior to others even if you were no better than a load of shit.

Speaking of shit, how’s about you take your shit and fuck yourself…when you’re done, then take a look at AT&T and Verizon…at least they can provide service better than yours…wait…I actually think ANYONE can provide service better than yours.

Cool shit…

Tuesday, August 25th, 2009

Nice work here:

They did it again…

Monday, May 11th, 2009

…speechless…

Uncensored is on Hulu.com for those with Hulu accounts (dumb) or on NBC.com for those that don’t (still gotta watch an old-school ad).

Timberlake’s got talent:

UPDATE: What the fuck? The video’s been take down everywhere. What? They offend the League of FaceFuckups?

How not to rename your brand…

Wednesday, March 18th, 2009

SciFi Channel is planning on renaming themselves to SyFy

I guess when your business is about selling C level TV series about the dumbest things and broadcast absolute shit sequels, concocting stupid names for your company is okay. Anyone catch a bit of Starship Troopers 2 on there? I lasted about five minutes and only because I caught the sex scene…they even used actors that played DEAD characters from the previous movie in as DIFFERENT characters: “Okay, just pretend I wasn’t gored in the last movie and that I’ve got a different name.”

Anyway, maybe they pissed their pants with the success of Battlestar Galactica (a good series ending itself poorly)…or maybe they just think that a small focus group that is getting paid to be there isn’t biased at all. Sure, Whosiwhatsit and Boing might not have been good name ideas but SyFy? Why not call it CyFy? I mean, if you’re worrying about global reach, you know the rest of the world pronounces “Y” as “ee” right? So you’re name is now SeeFee. Brilliant.

What? You’re trying to broaden your reach? Trying to cover all of imagination, not just the sciency part? And you think something that evokes your SciFi name will do that? Why don’t you just call yourself YCSE like the old days of TV and get it over with?

I was already embarrassed for you for the type of craptastic, obviously shot on a set, C-rate “Originals” you put out…now I won’t want to tell people what channel I saw them on…Smumblemumble…What channel was that? (cough) Sorry? No idea…

SciFi or Skiffy as a relative put it onces, welcome to the ranks of those who cannot suck enough!

Suck me

The

What’s this new look?

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

Before you piss your panties over the new look, let’s talk about this like civilized people. You want that I should care about you?

What’s the deal? The deal is, wait for it…Movable Type, our old blog software, was crap. It’s real simple…I want to rant, not spend hours manipulating fucking images because you rely on a DLL to do your image work…hello? It’s fucking 2009, bitches. Haven’t you heard of Web 2.0?

Better yet, most of the people writing plug-ins? Greedy bastards. Hey, you know, people deserve to get paid for something good but how am I supposed to know without TRYING it first? I’m not paying you for some half-assed solution, no matter how fancy you try to make your money-suck site.

Is this software any better? Of course. Does it have its faults? Was it made by humans? At least Microsoft didn’t make it…otherwise, it’d take an hour to launch, not be compatible with any plugins unless they’re from Microsoft, and require you to install a new app just to verify the app itself is legitimate.

Besides, this is more fun, right? RIGHT? Suckers…

DirecTV’s Customer Service?

Sunday, May 11th, 2008

This one’s unbelievable. DirecTV’s been saturating the TV with commercials about how much better their customer service is…E-mail thread is below. I love it. I go to the Web site and they just have a phone number that goes to a Russian-speaking IVR. Now, it’s reasonable that they might expect a customer to speak Russian if they’re looking for Russian programming but how’s about an option for English? They do it for Spanish so…

I’ll let that one slide. So, I send an e-mail into customer service asking my simple question. I just want to be sure I’ve got the equipment (hey, now) to receive Russian programming…what do I get? A reference back to the fucking Web site I went to to find out it doesn’t tell me what I needed to know.

I respond back (granted, I’m annoyed so the response isn’t 100% friendly)…and I wait…nothing. I send an even more sarcastic “Hello?” a day later…nothing.

Then, lo and behold, almost two weeks later, I get deletion notifications (I always have read receipt requests turned on)…so, they feel customer service is so important that they just delete anything from customers. I love it.

It makes their TV commercials even more laughable…

This comes after I called in a request to get a replacement for my DirecTivo which was on the fritz. The customer service people I talked to (I talked to three different people) all made it clear I was getting a replacement DirecTivo…they said it was refurbished, which made it understandable given they didn’t use DirecTivos anymore. Right? They might have a bunch of refurbished ones lying around to replace the ones that broke/failed…all in the name of good customer service. What do I get? Their stupid DirectDVR Plus. Sure it has most of the features but it’s still clunkier than the Tivo I was used to. Besides, that isn’t the point, no one told me I was getting one of their pieces of shit DVRs…It’s like when you get a “reasonable replacement” for something…except they don’t tell you until you get it. Fuckers. It’s not like I’ve got a 20-year-old Tivo that doesn’t exist any more.

Whatever…suffice it to say that DirecTV is being hypocritical about their customer service. Ranking higher than cable companies that suck even more doesn’t mean you’re good…it just means you’re the lesser of two evils.

DirecTV deserves a You Can’t Suck Enough nod.

 

—————————————————————
From: DIRECTV Customer Service [directvcustomercare@directv.com]

Sent: Wednesday, April 30, 2008 3:34 PM

To: Sucker

Subject: Equipment [Reference #: 080430-002218]

—————————————————————

Response (Michael IA. – 100184044) – 04/30/2008 03:34 PM

Dear Mr. Sucker,

Thanks for writing.

We’re proud to offer RussianDirect featuring the best in programming from Russia on four new channels:

C1RW- Channel One Russia Worldwide

Dom Kino

Muzika Prevogo

Vremya

RussianDirect can be added to any base package for just $29.99 per month.

We also offer RTR Planeta, a mix of news and music and sports from Russia This channel can be added to your base

package for $14.99 per month.

Visit our web site at http://directv.com/DTVAPP/packProg/channelChart2.jsp?assetId=1200052 for complete details on

Russian programming.

To receive international programming you will need special DIRECTV equipment, including a 36″ dish and an APG

receiver. Please call our International Programming team at 800-378-5191 for complete details.

Sincerely,

Michael A.

Employee ID 100184044

DIRECTV Customer Service

Make the most of DIRECTV by registering your account on directv.com. You’ll learn about exclusive online promotions,

new features of DIRECTV and the latest programs and packages. Visit www.directv.com/register today.

Customer – 04/30/2008 01:37 PM

I wanted to check and see if I needed any sort of special equipment if I was thinking about adding Russian channels

(the 800 number on your site goes to a Russian-speaking IVR…I don’t speak Russian, my wife does). I believe we have

the standard round dish…

—————————————————————
From: Sucker

Sent: Wednesday, April 30, 2008 3:39 PM

To: DIRECTV Customer Service

Subject: Re: Equipment [Reference #: 080430-002218]

No. As I said, I ALREADY looked at your Web site…the number there takes you to a
Russian-speaking IVR system. I don’t speak Russian.
I have a VERY simple question: do I need different equipment to view those channels if I
choose to subscribe to them?

—————————————————————
From: Sucker

Sent: Thursday, May 01, 2008 4:53 PM

To: DIRECTV Customer Service

Subject: Re: Equipment [Reference #: 080430-002218]

Hello?

—————————————————————
From: DIRECTV Customer Service [directvcustomercare@directv.com]

To: Sucker

Sent: Sunday, May 11, 2008 12:33 AM

Subject: Not read: Re: Equipment [Reference #: 080430-002218]

Your message

To: DIRECTV Customer Service
Subject: Re: Equipment [Reference #: 080430-002218]
Sent: Thu, 1 May 2008 16:52:46 -0700
was deleted without being read on Sun, 11 May 2008 00:32:32 -0700

—————————————————————
From: DIRECTV Customer Service [directvcustomercare@directv.com]

To: Sucker

Sent: Sunday, May 11, 2008 12:33 AM

Subject: Not read: Re: Equipment [Reference #: 080430-002218]

Your message

To: DIRECTV Customer Service
Subject: Re: Equipment [Reference #: 080430-002218]
Sent: Wed, 30 Apr 2008 15:39:02 -0700
was deleted without being read on Sun, 11 May 2008 00:32:40 -0700

END ————————————————————

You really, truly can’t suck enough…

Saturday, February 23rd, 2008

Welcome, suckers!

I was planning on doing this whole crazy site and decided I didn’t have the time but I had plenty of suckers to dole out so…presto, chango, welcome to the modern web and BAM! Here is You Can’t Suck Enough 1.0! In blog-o-suckin’-matic 3…no…2…no…1D!

What’s the point of this site, you ask? Can’t you read? No, obviously not because YOU can’t suck enough…that’s right…this is the place to be when telling all those morons who don’t do what they’re supposed to do right why they, you guessed it, can’t suck enough.

Look for new categories and new piles of suckage vying for that most coveted of awards: the Fubar Award(tm)! This award will go out to the best of the best…of the worst offenders. This is for those individuals, companies, and other entities that manage to exceed the limits of the Maximum Suckage Award(tm)…stay tuned for more info and how you can contribute to the suckage.

Suckage (Chief Suckage Officer)